Time to Do What Matters
If you’ve read my blog for a while, you know that I often end with a question or two (or three) for you to ponder.
This week, we’re going to start with one.
What one thing could you do in your life that, if you did it regularly, would make a tremendous positive difference in your life?
Yes, I do want you to come up with an answer.
And just one answer. Resist the urge to name 5 things. Resist the urge to start action planning.
Let’s just do this one step at a time.
Assuming that you have an answer to the question above, the next question is:
Why aren’t you doing it?
I’m willing to bet that your answer is “it’s not urgent.” (see last week’s blog) I know mine is.
The fact is that we’re pretty good about making time to take care of the urgent things. But what about the truly important things that are not urgent? The things we can put off until “someday?”
Well, as one of my business mentors likes to say, “Someday is not a day on the calendar.”
Last week we acknowledged that if we’re stuck in a repeated pattern of alternating between dealing with urgency and escaping to numbing activities, we’re going to need to do something different if we ever want to have time to do what matters.
A word about guilt and shame
Right about now, I think I’d better call out something that might just be starting to creep into your gut. Guilt and shame. If you’re feeling any guilt or shame about not making the time to do this thing you’ve just identified, try this: Say a friendly hello to these old friends, and thank them for helping you become aware of something important. Then let them know that since they’ve done their job, they can go back for a nap.
Guilt or shame can be helpful in alerting us to something that might need attention. But once our awareness is raised, their job is done. Guilt and shame are a great alert system, but they aren’t great motivators. So once you’re aware, you can thank these feelings for doing their job… and then activate other thoughts and feelings to move you forward.
Because this is about looking forward at what could be, not at what has been.
Remember, we each have tremendous power to lead our lives. If we’ve been choosing one way of being or behaving, we have the power to choose a different way. Maybe we haven’t been making time for something that we know is important. OK. So what? Every day we have a new chance to choose differently and reverse the vortex. But we can’t do that if we’re lugging around the heaviness of guilt or shame, so it's best to thank them and ask them to get out of the pool.
Reverse the vortex
When you were a kid, did you create “whirlpools” in the swimming pool with your friends or siblings? I sure did. That’s how I first learned about the power of a vortex. Once it’s in motion, it’s powerful, and it will carry us along with it.
Our lives can do that too. The cycle of urgency can become a negative vortex in our life, a powerful spinning force that spirals downward, taking our time, our sanity, and our best intentions with it.
But I remember that after creating a whirlpool and riding it for a little while, we often decided to change its direction. And while that was a little challenging, we always managed to do it.
We can do that in life, too.
We can reverse the vortex, and instead create a powerful force in our lives that spirals upward, bringing more goodness, peace, and health. Here’s how:
Be positive about your bigger yes.
The first step is to name what we want instead. I mentioned last week that you need to name your bigger yes – the positive result you believe could happen in your life if you weren’t living from urgency to escape and back again.
This is akin to standing up in the whirlpool and starting to resist the strong flow of the water as it moves in one direction. I remember that I usually couldn’t stand perfectly still and be unmoved by the powerful water, but it was the first act of resistance against that force. It was the signal that it was time for change.
Naming our intention to change direction and identifying our new desire will provide the “why” that will motivate us for positive change.
As long as it’s positive.
Make sure that you frame your bigger yes as a positive desire. For example, your bigger yes isn’t that you want “less stress.” You likely want “more peace” or “more calm.” This might just seem like semantics, but it’s important to be clear about what we want, not just what we don’t want. So if you initially identify your desire as something you want less of, ask yourself, “What do I want instead?”
An example: You identify your desire “to feel less stressed.” Then you spend hours binge-watching a show on Hulu. You probably don’t feel stressed during that. However, has it really “scratched the itch” you were feeling? If the real desire was to feel more peaceful and centered, then the “strategy” you chose (binging the show) was probably not very effective. If you frame your desire to the positive, and acknowledge that you want to feel more peaceful and centered, I wonder what strategies you’d try then?
Reduce the non-important, non-urgent
Just like in the swimming pool, after standing up, resisting the flow of the status quo, and positively naming our desire, the next step in reversing the vortex is taking small steps in the opposite direction.
To break the urgency cycle, those initial small steps are converting what we do in those moments of check-out or escaping. Remember, what we’re trying to do is create time for things that are “important, but not urgent.” The easiest place to find some time for what’s important is to reduce the time we’re spending in the “not important and not urgent.”
What can you do differently when you have moments of downtime? When you consider your “why” – your new, positive desire – what activities could constitute baby steps toward that desire? For example, would going outside for a walk help you toward your positive desire more than another game of Candy Crush?
Go back to the beginning of this blog and remind yourself of your answer to my opening question. What’s the one thing you could be doing that would make a tremendous positive impact on your life?
Could you do any part or amount of that thing with the “reclaimed” minutes that you used to spend on things that were non-urgent and non-important?
Even if you can’t accomplish all of it, can you use the time to lean in that direction?
When we decrease the areas of waste (activities we use to escape, check out, or numb), we have more time to give to the important things. And if we replace those “escape” activities with activities that truly replenish our energy or re-create our true selves, we might find that the direction of the vortex begins to shift.
Building momentum
A funny thing happens when trying to reverse a whirlpool. It’s hard, it feels like you’re against the flow, and then suddenly you realize that there’s been a shift.
That happens in our life with our time as well.
When we start to spend more time doing things that are important (and long-range), we often end up spending less time reacting to immediate crises. Which then, in turn, gives more time for important, not urgent. We’ve begun to create a positive vortex.
For example, if we stop “doom scrolling,” decrease our overall screen time, and choose instead to do an activity of self-care or true re-creation that leaves us with feelings of contentment or joy, we likely bring more energy and a wider perspective to our work the next day. We’re able to make better, more creative, and proactive decisions when managing crises, that thereby reduce future crises. Over time, this allows us more time to analyze the root causes of professional or personal challenges and consider new options. After some time, we find that we’re able to spend more time at work in planning (which avoids urgencies), training others (which prevents some crises), and delegation, which expands capacities, and frees us for even more important and non-urgent responsibilities.
It might sound too good to be true, but it’s the power of the positive vortex. No, it doesn’t happen overnight, but every step in the new direction is multiplied when the time is “reapportioned” and used for those things that are important, but not urgent.
What do you think?
So what was your answer to the opening question?
I’m willing to bet that it falls into the category of “important, not urgent.” It might be something related to personal growth, relationship building, long-range planning, working toward goals, delegation, developing others, regular maintenance doctor’s visits, exercise, healthy eating, rest, a true re-creation
If you were able to do that one thing, what impact would that have on your life?
And if you experienced that positive impact, what would that make possible?
May these questions be the beginning of your positive vortex!
I’m curious about how this is landing with you, so if you want to continue the conversation, please email me. I love to hear what you’re thinking!
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