Addicted to Urgency?
Last week, I shared four places where you can find more time in your days, and I focused on things that were “pleasant” but usually “time wasters” – things like social media, binging, and online games. (Side note: These things aren’t always “wasteful;” it depends on the intentionality you bring and how those activities connect with your deepest values.)
This week, I want to look a little deeper, because I get why those activities are so popular – and some would argue so needed – today. In a world and a life that feels pretty consistently stressful, if not downright overwhelming, we crave a way to “check out.”
Quick! Let’s talk about urgency!
We live in a world that has an urgent addiction. Every app has constant notifications and every news channel keeps a scrolling feed of “breaking news.”
You might work in an organization that has an urgency addiction. Yes, even if (especially if?) you’re an entrepreneur, or work in a non-profit, or serve in a church. I’ve yet to find an industry that’s immune from this.
Sometimes, certain families and people even have an urgent addiction. Always in crisis, always rushing, always busy.
And it’s taking its toll.
Urgency activates our fight, flight, or freeze instinct and pumps out adrenaline – which gives us short-term energy. Then, if we conquer the urgent demand, we get a hit of dopamine from the satisfaction of getting something done. To our nervous system, it doesn’t matter whether the “something” is important or not. Unfortunately, it just rewards the urgency and reinforces our desire to operate in that zone.
Constantly dealing with frequent “urgencies” and crisis management leaves us with stress, anxiety, and usually mediocre performance. Yes, we’re getting things done, but are we operating from our best selves when we’re putting out fire after fire?
Urgency addiction also increases the likelihood that when we have a few moments of “non-urgency,” we’ll escape to those pleasant (but not deeply fulfilling) things that are not urgent and not important (aka the time wasters). We’re so exhausted from managing the urgent, that we just want to check out for a while. (Before the next fire breaks out…)
Sure, those activities can allow us to “check out”… but what could happen if we used that time to more deeply “check in” with ourselves and address our deeper needs?
I’m not suggesting that we need to replace an hour of binge-watching with deep psychotherapy. The check-in doesn’t need to be mentally taxing. It can be as simple as honestly asking ourselves what would help to “truly fill” us, and doing that instead.
When we numb ourselves by escaping, we miss a chance actually to replenish or renew ourselves. We don’t become better versions of ourselves, we’re just pausing before the next adrenaline rush, and the cycle continues.
Let’s get some perspective
Another result of living from urgency-fueled adrenaline rushes is a limited perspective – physically and psychologically. One of the physical effects of adrenaline is that it limits our sensory perspective. Our brains want us to focus on the imminent danger, so other stimuli that are not directly related to the issue at hand are weeded out. Think tunnel vision.
That same effect occurs with our mental and emotional perspective. In times of crisis or urgency, our perspective is narrowed. We don’t see situations with as much empathy, curiosity, or creativity. We unconsciously limit our options in responding because we simply don’t see the possibilities. We’re not responding with our best selves; we’re truly only responding with part of our mental and emotional capacity.
Breaking the pattern
It can be hard to break the pattern of urgency —> check-out/escape —> urgency in our lives. Hard, but not impossible.
It starts with tapping into a desire for “more;” a desire to live differently. After all, if you’re happy with the cycle of your life, then by all means, “keep frantic and carry on.”
But if you’re desperately looking for a way off the hamster wheel, then I encourage you to name your bigger yes – the positive result you believe could happen in your life if you weren’t living from urgency to escape and back again. That “why” will be the motivating force that sustains your efforts to break the cycle.
Changing patterns of behavior isn’t easy, especially if they are well-engrained, and even reinforced by our environment (jobs, family patterns, certain responsibilities). But there are steps to take, and I’ll be back next week with more about some of those steps.
For now, just strive for awareness. Get curious about your pattern of using the time you’ve got. Just notice how much time you spend doing things that are important vs. urgent things.
I’m a child of the ‘80s who had an older brother. I grew up watching the old GI Joe cartoon, which reminded us at the end of every episode that “knowing is half the battle.”
We can’t fight the enemies of urgency and escapism until we know how much of a hold they have on us, what triggers them, and when they’re likely to attack. So take some time to study whatever you dub as an enemy or obstacle that keeps you from making the time to create the sense of fulfillment, peace, calm or joy that you’re seeking.
We’ll meet back here next week to create our plan of attack.
And by the way, if the urgency in your life has you fighting off feelings of overwhelm, be sure to access my free training on “Overcoming Overwhelm.” It’s just a couple of short videos that will reduce the paralysis you can face when you hit that swirl and start to spiral… I promise that it will help – and NOT add to the overwhelm!
And if you’re not overwhelmed, but you know someone who is, toss them a life preserver and forward them the link to the free training!
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