How to Get Unstuck: A Proven 3-Step Process for Real Change
One of the most common things I hear from clients and prospective clients is, “I feel stuck.” Truthfully, it’s often something I say myself when I begin a session with one of my own coaches.
I recently listened to a podcast where the speaker argued that feeling stuck is an illusion – that “there’s no such thing as stuck” because we always have options and power. While I appreciate that perspective, I’m not convinced. Having felt stuck myself and having coached countless others through their own versions of “stuck,” I believe it’s very real.
A Dozen Ways to Feel Stuck
Feeling stuck isn’t one-size-fits-all. It shows up in different ways. And while these twelve reasons aren’t the only varieties, they tend to be the most common ones I see.
Which of these sounds most like you?
Stuck in a job that drains you—leaving you unfulfilled, unmotivated, and unsure how to pivot
Stuck in a stagnant or toxic relationship—feeling unseen, unheard, unappreciated – or even unsafe
Stuck in patterns that don’t serve you—letting procrastination, people-pleasing, or perfectionism run the show
Stuck in a one-sided friendship—always giving, rarely receiving, and feeling guilty for wanting more
Stuck in a cycle of overcommitting—saying yes to too many things and never having time for yourself
Stuck in self-doubt—wanting to make a change but constantly questioning if you’re capable or deserving
Stuck in comparison—measuring your life against others and always feeling like you’re falling short
Stuck in a nonstop rushing—perpetually busy but never feeling accomplished, never pausing to consider what’s most important
Stuck in caregiving mode—always taking care of others but never prioritizing your own needs
Stuck in resentment—harboring frustration or hurt but unsure how to let go or move forward
Stuck in old expectations—living according to what you thought you ‘should’ do instead of what you truly want
Stuck in a life that looks fine on the outside but feels empty inside—going through the motions, wondering, “Is this really it?”
The Cost of Staying Stuck
Sadly, regardless of the reason for feeling stuck, it comes at a price. Which of these costs are you paying?
Sleep: When we’re stuck, our minds race at night, or we stay up too late numbing out with screens or distractions. Poor sleep affects our mood, energy, focus, and overall well-being, making it even harder to break free.
Relationships: When life feels overwhelming, it’s hard to be present with the people who matter most. You might snap at your kids, withdraw from your partner, or avoid social events because you’re too drained. Over time, resentment, isolation, or guilt can creep in, creating even more disconnection.
Physical Health: Feeling stuck often leads to stress-related habits—overeating, skipping workouts, or sitting for long hours. It can show up in weight gain, headaches, digestive issues, or overall fatigue, making it even harder to take action.
Time: Stagnation affects how we use our time. Some people feel constantly rushed, scrambling to keep up. Others slow down, struggling with motivation and even simple tasks. Lack of focus can lead to mistakes, forgetfulness, and wasted energy, making everything take longer than it should.
Money: There’s a real financial cost to staying stuck. Maybe you’re eating out more because meal planning feels overwhelming. Or impulse buying for a quick mood boost. Or missing chances to save because you don’t have the time or energy to shop around or budget wisely. Small costs add up fast.
Mental & Emotional Health: Chronic stress, anxiety, and a nagging sense of unfulfillment can quietly wear you down. Over time, these feelings show up as irritability, exhaustion, or even depression. The longer you stay stuck, the harder it is to find joy in everyday life.
Missed Opportunities: How many dreams or goals have you put on hold, telling yourself, I’ll get to that when things calm down? But "someday" has a way of turning into "never" if we’re not intentional. Staying stuck can cost you the life you truly want.
That’s a lot, isn’t it? If you’re feeling the weight of all this, take a deep breath. The truth is, everyone feels stuck at some point—it’s part of being human. But here’s the good news: stuck isn’t permanent. It’s not a life sentence. In fact, it can even be a turning point.
The Gifts of Feeling Stuck
As frustrating as it is, feeling stuck isn’t all bad. If we consider it from a different perspective, we can actually find three unexpected gifts:
A Wake-Up Call – Feeling stuck is like a warning light on your dashboard, signaling that something needs attention. What if, instead of avoiding it, you leaned in? You might actually learn a lot about what you need, value, and desire at this time in your life.
A Nudge to Take Action – Stuck is uncomfortable. But discomfort can be the catalyst for change. How long are you willing to keep paying the costs of staying stuck? At any point, you can decide you’re done. The timeline is yours to set.
An Opportunity to Connect – Most of us don’t get unstuck alone. Asking for help and support isn’t weakness—it’s part of being human. None of us go it alone in this life, and getting some help “out of your stuck” is a great way to celebrate your humanity and forge bonds of connection.
The Way Out of Stuck
If feeling stuck has a silver lining, it’s this: it means something inside you is ready for change. You don’t have to wait for the “perfect” moment, and you don’t have to overhaul your entire life overnight. The way forward starts with small, intentional shifts—starting right where you are.
If you want to move forward, start by embracing the gifts of stuck:
Wake-Up Call: Get curious, and get honest with yourself. What do you really believe about yourself and your situation? How do you feel about it? What is keeping you stuck? Don’t just think about it—write it down. Mind mapping or journaling can help you see patterns and possibilities you might otherwise miss.
Nudge to Take Action: Claim your power. Feeling stuck often comes with a side of helplessness, but you have more power than you think. Even if all you can change are your thoughts, feelings, or responses—that’s enough to shift everything. Try the Circle of Control exercise: Draw a circle on sheet of paper. Write down all the things that are not in your control outside the circle. Inside the circle, write down anything that you can influence, impact, or control. Focus your energy on what you can influence. Choose ONE thing inside the circle to work on.
Opportunity to Connect: Ask for help. Whether it’s a friend, mentor, coach, or therapist, reaching out can be the key to moving forward. A client recently told me, "This one hour with you helped me more than weeks of talking to my boyfriend, parents, and friends. We actually came up with more options, worked through them deeply, and made a plan for my next steps!" Sometimes, an outside perspective is exactly what we need.
Start Here
If you’re deep in “stuck” and the actions listed here feel too big or too hard right now, that’s ok. Start small. Just do this one thing: Download the free Needs & Values assessment. That one tiny step is still an important step.
Looking at your unique needs and values is part of the wake up call. You’ll get a clearer sense of what you truly need in order to thrive and what you most deeply value. You’ll be able to consider how your brand of stuck prevents you from getting what you need or living out your values. Or you might even find that some of your needs and values are actually part of the reason you stay stuck. Either way, you’ll have some light on the path out of stuck.
Because here’s the truth: You won’t be stuck forever. Every shift—no matter how small—moves you closer to the life you want.
And that life? It’s still waiting for you. You have more power and choices that you might realize. All you have to do is begin.
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