Prioritizing Yourself – So that You Serve Fully
When was the last time you did something to truly nourish or care for yourself?
Not a quick coffee break between meetings or a stolen five minutes of peace after the kids are in bed, but real, intentional time to focus on your own needs and desires. For many of us, especially those in helping professions or with demanding personal responsibilities, the answer might be, "I can't remember."
Yet, as we navigate the many roles we play—mother, wife, daughter, friend, caretaker, professional—we often overlook a crucial aspect of our ability to serve others: prioritizing ourselves. This might sound counterintuitive or even selfish, but I think it's rooted in one of the most profound teachings of the Bible.
“Love others as yourself"—A Deeper Look
In the Gospels, Jesus teaches us to "love your neighbor as yourself" (cf: Mark 12:31, Matthew 22: 39, Luke 10:27). Many of us focus heavily on the "love your neighbor" part, pouring out our energy and care into those around us. But we often overlook the equally important "as yourself" part.
What if we actually loved others the way we love ourselves? Or treated others the way we treat ourselves.
Yeesh. Ouch.
I’ve seen the way I treat myself sometimes. I’ve heard the things I say to myself sometimes. I wouldn’t ever behave that way toward others.
So why do we do it to ourselves?
Instead, what if we treated ourselves the way we treat others whom we care about?
This “second greatest commandment” implies that in order to love others well, we must first love ourselves.
But what does it mean to love yourself? It means recognizing your worth, caring for your needs, and giving yourself the same grace and kindness you extend to others. It’s about understanding that self-love is not selfishness; it's the foundation upon which all other love is built. Without it, our ability to love others can become strained, depleted, and, ultimately, unsustainable.
Signs You're Not Prioritizing Yourself
It's easy to fall into patterns of self-neglect, especially when you’re someone who naturally gravitates toward helping others. Here are some signs that you might not be giving yourself the attention you need:
1. Chronic Exhaustion: You're constantly tired, no matter how much you sleep. This could be physical, emotional, or spiritual exhaustion—an indicator that you're running on empty.
2. Resentment: You find yourself feeling resentful toward the people you care for. This often stems from feeling overextended and underappreciated.
3. Lack of Joy: Activities that once brought you joy now feel like just another task on your to-do list. This might signal that you’re giving too much without replenishing your own spirit.
4. Irritability: You have a short fuse and find yourself snapping at those you love, a common reaction when your own needs are consistently unmet.
5. Neglecting Basic Needs: You skip meals, miss workouts, or cut corners on your own self-care and soul-care because you're too busy taking care of others.
Recognizing these signs is the first step toward making a change. It’s not about guilt or shame; it’s about awareness and action.
Practical Ways to Prioritize Yourself
Prioritizing yourself doesn’t mean neglecting others, and it doesn’t mean being self-centered. It means striving for “win-win” and finding a balance where you can care for yourself and still give to those around you. Here are some practical ways to start:
1. Set Boundaries: Boundaries are essential for maintaining your well-being. This could mean saying "no" to additional responsibilities when you're already stretched thin or carving out specific times during the day that are just for you. Boundaries don’t stifle… they create the conditions for healthy growth.
2. Schedule Self-Care: Treat self-care as a non-negotiable part of your routine, just like any other important appointment. Whether it’s a daily walk, reading a book, or enjoying a hobby, make time for activities that rejuvenate you.
3. Ask for Help: You don’t have to do it all. Whether it's at work or home, delegating tasks or asking for support allows you to share the load and take some of the pressure off yourself.
4. Mindful Moments: Incorporate mindfulness practices into your day, like meditation, deep breathing, or simply taking a moment to pause and check in with yourself. These small breaks can make a big difference in how you feel.
5. Nourish Your Body: Prioritize healthy eating, regular exercise, and sufficient sleep. Your physical health is directly connected to your mental and emotional well-being.
6. Connect with Your Spiritual Side: Spend time in prayer, meditation, or other spiritual practices that help you feel connected and grounded. This not only nourishes your soul but also provides clarity and peace.
7. Invest in Personal Growth: Whether it’s through reading, taking a course, or coaching, invest in activities that help you grow as a person. This not only benefits you but also enhances your ability to serve others with wisdom and empathy. (Side note: I just might have some ideas for you on this one…)
Understanding What You Really Need
To prioritize yourself effectively, it's important to understand what you truly need. This requires self-reflection and honesty. Ask yourself these questions:
What activities or practices make me feel most alive and fulfilled?
What drains my energy the most, and how can I minimize or delegate these tasks?
What do I need more of in my life (rest, connection, creativity) and less of (stress, chaos, overcommitment)?
How do I want to feel at the end of each day, and what can I do to make that a reality?
By answering these questions, you can begin to identify the areas where you need to focus more of your time and energy. You might realize that you need to change some behaviors or habits, in which case be sure to review my recent blog, 10 Tips for Habit Change.
Remember, you can't pour from an empty cup. To serve others fully and joyfully, you must first ensure that your own needs are met.
The Ripple Effect of Self-Love
When you prioritize yourself, something beautiful happens: you become a better version of yourself. You're more patient, more compassionate, and more joyful. This not only benefits you but also has a ripple effect on those around you. Your loved ones, colleagues, and community receive the best of you—your time, energy, and care—because you’ve taken the time to fill your own cup first.
In essence, when you care for yourself, you’re better equipped to love others as God intended.
All too often we set up a zero-sum-game in our minds where serving others more means we love ourselves less. We see it as an either-or situation. However, our God is all about abundance, and always seems to point out the ways to “both/and.”
So, as you go about your day, remember to check in with yourself. Are you giving yourself the love and care you need to thrive? Are you prioritizing your well-being so that you can continue to serve others from a place of abundance rather than depletion?
A Final Encouragement
You are worthy of the same love and care that you so generously give to others. By embracing this truth and taking steps to prioritize yourself, you’re not only honoring your own needs but also fulfilling the divine command to love others as yourself—fully, deeply, and with a heart overflowing with grace.
Like this blog?
Sign up to get new posts delivered directly to your inbox!