Centered in the Middle
I’ve noticed a theme among the clients I work with. They’re all in the middle, in many different ways.
There are a few exceptions, but most are middle-aged, middle income, middle managers, and in the middle of life or work transitions.
They’re also dealing in some very “middle” situations…
(I’m changing all the names and some of the details, but the stories are very, very real.)
Paula’s organization is in the midst of wave after wave of change, and there’s not a lot of leadership from above to help staff and stakeholders navigate it well. Paula is doing what she can to “manage-up” while simultaneously extending herself to provide stability and support for her co-workers and clients. She’s stuck in the middle of politics and drama and it’s sucking her soul.
Sheila is in the proverbial “sandwich generation.” She’s stretched in the middle of family dynamics - caring for her in-laws while also caring for her own kids and grandkids. She’s become expert in managing a dizzying array of physical and mental illnesses. There’s never enough time for everyone who needs her, least of all herself.
Julie is an incredibly hard worker. And she’s super responsible. So it’s hard for her to let work go un-done or to not give all she can to help. She accommodates everyone’s needs at work, accepting new assignments from her boss and also picking up some her co-workers’ and subordinates’ tasks when they slack off. She’s feeling squeezed in the middle of the work that’s flowing at her from all directions.
Debbie is a busy lady. She has a full-time managerial role that demands a lot of her. She’s still adjusting to her relatively recent marriage and becoming a stepmother. And she’s got some leadership roles with her extensive community involvements. She’s stressed in the middle of all the demands and feels like her time is never her own.
Nancy has raised and launched her kids (mostly). She dutifully served as caregiver to both of her parents until they passed a few years ago. She’s gotten really good at taking care of everyone else’s needs and doing what’s expected of her. Now she’s trying to tend to her own needs but she’s scared in the middle of the changes because this is unfamiliar terrain.
So where are you?
My guess is that you’re in the middle too, in one form or another. Or more likely, you’re in the middle in many ways, all at once.
And where does that leave you?
Stuck? Stretched? Squeezed? Stressed?
Yes, to all of that.
And maybe, deep down, you’re also scared.
Scared that this “being in the middle” is a life sentence. That this is all there is. That this is just how life is and there’s no way out.
So you sigh and say, “It is what it is.”
But while there’s some truth in that, I would counter with this:
“It is what you allow it to be.”
You might be in the middle right now. You might even be in the middle for a long time. Perhaps, in some ways you’ll be in the middle for the rest of your days on this side of heaven.
Yes, there are some realities of life situations that might perennially put you in the middle.
The question is: Can you get centered while you’re in the middle?
You don’t have to accept stuck, stretched, squeezed, stressed, and scared as a life sentence. You don’t have to allow those feelings to shape your life and choices. You can choose differently, and it starts with choosing to get centered.
Getting Centered
Getting centered is not just a mindfulness technique.
I’m not knocking mindfulness… those practices are immensely helpful. But the “centering” that I’m promoting is deeper than that.
Getting centered involves three components: perspective, possibilities, and purpose.
Perspective
Gaining perspective is the first step to getting centered. You grow your understanding of your real self: your unique needs, your core values, your distinct strengths, and your true priorities. It’s not “self-centered” or selfish. It’s self-awareness.
This new perspective – this clear, true vision of yourself – allows you to see others and the situations around you differently. It might even help you see the power you have to choose different responses to your situation.
And from that vantage point, you can open to fresh possibilities. “Stuck” starts to lose its hold on you.
Possibilities
Perspective opens up possibilities. And possibilities create options and energy. Possibilities help you to not only see, but to claim the power you have to choose your responses, even if that response is “only” a change in your mindset.
Possibilities can help you when you’re feeling “stretched,” “squeezed,” and “stressed.” You can reframe your thoughts and consider new actions. Suddenly, saying “no” might become an option. Asking for help becomes reasonable. Setting up your calendar in a way that honors the perspective that you now have about your own needs becomes workable.
These choices are all ways of living with purpose.
Purpose
Yes, having an overarching sense of your life’s purpose is an important part of getting centered. But even if you’ve not yet articulated that overriding sense of purpose in your life, you can still take steps with purpose.
Having a new perspective and opening up to fresh possibilities empowers you to choose and act with intentionality. Deep perspective about yourself ushers in greater authenticity. Considering alternative possibilities activates your creativity.
This combination propels you with purpose. And purpose is the antidote to “scared that this is all there is.”
Purpose points us toward something bigger than ourselves, toward a horizon beyond what we can see. Purpose makes meaning from the middle.
Centered in the Middle
A lot of the work I do is helping people – most often women – get centered in the middle of all that’s going on in their lives.
Recently, one of these women summed up the experience this way:
“I came into this feeling like I was in the middle of the chaos. Now, the chaos is still there. But everything has changed because I’m centered in the chaos.”
Calm the Chaos
I want you to have that same experience of getting centered in the middle of the chaos.
So I’m giving you the first opportunity to sign up for my new free Masterclass – Calm the Chaos: 10 Steps to Less Stress, More Clarity, and More Time for What Matters Most.
In this session, you’ll learn how to develop the perspective, possibilities, and purpose that will you get centered in the middle of all that you’re facing. It’s “real life meets real hope”… and I can’t wait to share it with you!
If you’re in the middle, don’t miss this session. We’ll break down each step and show you…
the path out of “stuck”
the relief from “squeezed”
the freedom from “stretched”
the solution for “stressed”
the remedy for “scared that this is a life sentence”
Because stuck, squeezed, stretched, stressed, and scared is no way to live.
There’s a different way – a better, calmer, more “whole self” way – to live.
I live it myself, and I’ve helped others just like you live it too. Now it can be your turn to get centered, even if you’re in the middle.
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