A few months ago, one of my REALIFE Process® coaches (yes, coaches have coaches) asked me what I do to renew myself - defined as something that is not work, that is relational or relaxing, that gets me into a different environment or engages my brain differently. I’m embarrassed to say that I was a bit stumped. You see, I’ve never really had hobbies. I’m not a crafter. I’m not a musician or artist. I really don’t do any major physical activity for fun. The best I could come up with was, “Well, I like to read, but I rarely make time for it.” She asked what I like to read. “Well, I love novels, but I usually have too many other nonfiction books I want to read… books to help me build my business or be a better coach, books on leadership or spirituality and things like that, so I really never grab a novel, unless it’s my designated vacation time.”

My coach simply asked this question: “How might reading novels more often renew you?” I felt the answer before I could even voice it. I felt my shoulders slowly relax and drop down. I felt my breathing slow. I took a deeper breath and a slight smile came to my face. I could sense my eyes alight with the spark of excitement I felt at the prospect of a good story, the feel of the pages, the smell of a new book. I realized I was hungering for the way that my imagination engaged when I was reading a good novel.

But still, my legitimate need for productivity battled back: “But really if I’m going to make time for reading, it should be something that helps me learn or grow.” And my practicality kicked in: “Plus, I can’t just keep buying new books. I can’t afford that expense, and then I just end up with a lot of books and I run out of room on the shelves.” As I said those things, I could feel my heart sink as imagination and renewal got trampled again.

My coach was gentle, but wasn’t letting me off the hook. “How could you make some space for novels in your life each week?” I was disarmed. A little bit couldn’t hurt, could it? “Well, I guess I could try it. We end up spending a lot of time each evening watching pretty brainless TV that doesn’t really add a lot of value to my life. I could try reading a novel in the evenings, even just a couple of nights a week, even if it’s just a half an hour.” And the prospect of feeding my hunger started to engage my creative thinking. “And I guess I don’t have to buy books. I could go to the library. They won’t have the feel and smell of a new book, but it’s better than nothing.”

In a matter of a few minutes, I had a small action plan to go to the library within the next week, and try having a novel on hand to read a couple of times a week. That was 3 months ago. Since then, I’ve read three novels and am more than halfway through the fourth. I read some nights, but not every night. It doesn’t feel like a chore; it feels like a well-deserved break. More importantly, I feel more balanced and centered than before. Since historical fiction is my drug of choice, I’m still learning in a way, and my brain feels so satisfied being able to engage in a different way. I’ve realized that it really does renew me, and I’ve learned that I need that renewal in my life. I learned first-hand why “renewal” is an important part of the REALIFE Process®.

So this isn’t really a blog about reading. It’s about renewal. Maybe more to the point, it’s about deprivation and permission.

When was the last time you spent some time doing something to renew? Something that helped you access a different part of you than you use for most of the rest of your day or week? Renewal is essential for our wellbeing; it helps keep us whole and balanced. If we aren’t spending a few hours each week doing things that renew us, we’re running the risk of burnout, and depriving ourselves of living our best and most authentic life.

When I paid attention to the signals that my body and psyche were sending me, I realized that I find joy and energy in reading novels. And I’m pretty sure I’m more likely to be my best self if I’m finding ways to infuse more joy and energy into my life. Reading other “serious” books might give me some practical help with life and work, but I think my life and work are benefiting more from joy and energy than they would from the tricks and tips in the latest marketing book. I’m learning to stop depriving myself of enjoyment.

So what are you depriving yourself of? And what’s the result of that?

On the flip side, what activities do you truly enjoy? What renews you and brings you joy, peace, love, energy, or generosity? How might your life be different if you had more of those things in your life? It wasn’t until I saw that reading novels brought a legitimate value for my life that I was able to give myself permission to create the time and space for it. What do you need to give yourself permission for? And how can you try it out, just a little at a time?