Are you ready for next Friday?

• It’s an important occasion.  You might want to pre-plan a strategy.  

• In-person or online?

• One major investment or several smaller ones? 

• Start early (like maybe even on Thanksgiving)?  

• Or wait until after the rush of the early part of the day?

• Only to gift others, or also for yourself?

No, I’m not talking about Black Friday shopping.

I’m talking about listening.

Next Friday (November 29) is the National Day of Listening.  

This occasion was created in 2008 by StoryCorps, an American non-profit organization with a mission to record, preserve, and share stories from all backgrounds and belief systems.  The purpose of this holiday is to encourage people to gather with their families and preserve a record of their shared family history, a record that children and grandchildren years from now will be able to enjoy, and one that will keep the family history preserved for all time.

If you want to honor the specific intent of this holiday, all you really have to do is grab some kind of recording device (smartphones are wonderful here) and gather your family members.  Then ask questions that you think future generations would want to know about! 

It might be a great investment of your time during the holiday weekend when family and friends are often together.  Imagine what you might learn!

However, I also know that true listening isn’t really as easy as pressing “record” and asking a question.  Powerful listening is so much more than waiting until the other person stops talking.  So in honor of the upcoming National Day of Listening, I thought I’d share some tips that can up-level your listening game.

And the best tips I have are illustrated in the Chinese character for listening.

The Chinese Character for “Listen” 

The Chinese character that means “to listen” is known as Ting, and it’s made up of five distinct elements.  Taken together, these elements can teach us a deeper, more holistic approach to listening, one that involves the whole person of the listener, and one that reverences the whole person who is speaking.

In this image, you can see the five different elements of the character Ting:  ears, eyes, heart, one, and king.

Let’s consider what each of these elements can teach us about listening.

Ears

Listening with our ears seems obvious, but it’s about so much more than just hearing words. When we listen deeply, we’re tuning into how someone is speaking, not just what they’re saying. Tone, pace, and pitch offer subtle cues about the speaker's emotions. For instance, a slow, measured tone might indicate caution or reflection, while a rushed or tense tone can reveal anxiety or excitement.

Example: Imagine you’re talking to a friend about a recent challenge. As she describes her situation, you notice her tone is soft, almost hesitant, especially when mentioning a particular event. This change in tone tells you that this part of her story might hold significant feelings for her. By picking up on these vocal cues, you’re more able to respond with sensitivity, acknowledging her feelings and offering support.

When we actively listen with our ears, it deepens the conversation, allowing the other person to feel truly heard. The benefit? The speaker often opens up more, feeling that they’re not just speaking into the void but rather sharing with someone who genuinely cares.

Eyes

Listening with our eyes brings an extra layer of understanding. Body language, facial expressions, and gestures can reveal more than words ever could. This visual layer of listening helps us see beyond what’s being verbally communicated. Some interpretations of the "eyes" symbol in Ting even suggest listening as though we had "ten eyes"—a reminder to fully attend to the nonverbal cues in front of us as though we had ten eyes instead of just two.

Example: Let’s say you’re talking to a colleague who says everything is fine. But you notice her crossed arms, fidgeting hands, or the way she looks down when talking about a particular project. These nonverbal cues might indicate that "fine" is actually masking frustration or stress. By noticing and gently asking, "Are you sure you’re okay?" you invite her to share openly if she needs to.

Using our eyes in listening also means showing openness ourselves—leaning in, nodding along, making eye contact. When we do this, we communicate our interest and respect, showing that we are fully present with the other person.

Heart

Listening with the heart invites us to tap into empathy and compassion. This element reminds us that listening isn’t just an intellectual exercise; it’s an emotional one. To listen with the heart is to open ourselves to feel with the other person, meeting them with kindness, patience, and without judgment.

Example: Suppose a family member is sharing a struggle, maybe even one you don’t fully understand or agree with. By listening with your heart, you focus on understanding their experience rather than preparing a response or a solution. You give space to their emotions, affirming their feelings with phrases like, "That sounds really hard," or "I can see how much this means to you."

When we listen from the heart, we allow others to express their full selves without fear of being dismissed or misunderstood. It cultivates a safe environment, where they feel valued and accepted just as they are.

One

This element of "one" reminds us that listening requires undivided attention. In a world full of distractions, offering someone our full presence is a rare gift. To be fully "one" in the moment means putting aside our phones, our wandering thoughts, and other distractions, and giving the speaker our complete focus.

Example: Think of a time when you were speaking to someone who kept glancing at their phone. It likely left you feeling undervalued or unheard. Now imagine the opposite: You’re speaking, and the listener is entirely present—nodding, responding thoughtfully, clearly focused on your words. That presence alone can make you feel seen and valued.

When we offer undivided attention, we communicate that the person in front of us is important. The benefit of this level of focus is that it deepens connection, fostering trust and mutual respect. The speaker is more likely to share openly, knowing they have our full attention.

King

The final element, "king," represents respect for the person speaking, treating them with the honor and dignity we might give to royalty. This doesn’t mean putting someone on a pedestal; it’s about acknowledging the wisdom and authority they hold over their own life and experiences.

Example: Let’s say you’re listening to a friend who is wrestling with a difficult decision. Rather than offering quick advice or trying to steer them in a particular direction, you honor their agency by saying, "I trust you to find what’s best for you." This approach shows respect for their autonomy and reinforces that they have the right and the ability to lead their own life.

When we listen with a sense of respect, we’re reminded that our role isn’t to judge, fix, or direct—it’s to support, honor, and serve the speaker. This approach can empower them to find their own answers, knowing they have a listening ally who believes in their capability.

Who Will You Listen To?

Integrating these five elements into our listening practices can create meaningful changes in our relationships. We move beyond simply hearing words to experiencing connection, empathy, and trust. And in doing so, we make listening a powerful act of love and respect.

Listening is not for the faint of heart.  It can be downright difficult.  But it can also be the greatest gift we offer to others.  

As David W. Augsburger wrote:

“Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable.”

The National Day of Listening – and every chance we have to listen to another person, no matter the day of the year – is an opportunity to love them.  

So who will you listen to?  Who needs to experience that powerful love today?

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