Learning to Love Me More
A few months ago, I was preparing to lead a CliftonStrengths discovery session with some college students, and I needed to run a quick errand. While in the car, I heard these lyrics:
Have you ever felt like being somebody else?
Feeling like the mirror isn't good for your health?
Every day, I'm trying not to hate myself
But lately, it's not hurtin' like it did before
Maybe I am learning how to love me more
Admittedly, one of my top CliftonStrengths is Connectedness, so I can usually draw connections between any two seemingly unrelated things. But this chorus from Sam Smith’s song, “Love Me More,” seemed to me to get to heart of the power of CliftonStrengths.
How many of us, at one time or another, have wanted to be someone else? (Yes, my hand is raised.) Sure, that might be a bit more common in our younger years, while we’re still figuring out who we are, what we’re good at, and how we can embrace our uniqueness. But truth be told, there are probably still moments for any of us, regardless of age, when we slip into the place of envying someone else’s talents and abilities, or thinking, “If only I was more ______ (fill in desired talent here), I’d … (be able to do this better, be happier, be more successful, etc.).”
And it’s not just envy that gets the better of us. Sometimes we’re blind to our talents. Because we each do what we do how we do it naturally, we often don’t see ourselves or our abilities as special. Other times we diminish our talents because we sense that they threaten others or we’re afraid of being seen as proud or arrogant. Or maybe we find ourselves in a position or role that doesn’t fit our talents, and so we allow them to atrophy or get put on the sidelines of our life. Sometimes we even find ourselves in a place where we recognize things that are unique in us, but we struggle to see those unique qualities as good or helpful.
Maybe those thoughts don’t intensify to the level of “hating ourselves” as mentioned in the song, but those moments can lead us “from compare to despair.” They surely are a far cry from seeing ourselves as made in the image and likeness of a good and loving God. They don’t move us closer to becoming the person that God created us to be. They don’t help us discover and fulfill the unique purpose for which we were created. We can only do those things when we cooperate with our Creator.
When I acknowledge that I’ve been created as good, for good, I feel encouraged to lean into the talents that are uniquely mine. I can begin to appreciate – but not envy – the gifts of others and value the opportunities that can come from interdependence and partnership with others. I can see my innate talents and abilities as a compass that point toward my purpose in life. After all, if I was created with a unique purpose, doesn’t that mean that God has given me special abilities to carry that out? Finding and living my purpose isn’t a blind search. We have clues called talents wired right into us!
Which brings me back to CliftonStrengths (and any personality assessment that identifies areas of talent or strength). Some of the reasons I love working with that assessment are that it’s positive, accurate, and deep. It names what we naturally do best, our natural patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving, in positive terms and shows how every talent is helpful in life and brings goodness to others. From my experience with my own CliftonStrengths reports and that of others I’ve coached, I’ve found that the reports are deeply accurate – not just a listing of traits, but a deeper exploration of how that pattern of thinking, feeling and behaving operates within us. Those reports also begin to light a path forward, helping us to see how we might use our talents to develop strengths and find ourselves working with more purpose and joy. Getting my CliftonStrengths reports and investing in my talents have been crucial in my own journey of “learning how to love me more,” not in an ego-driven, narcissistic way, but from a place of self-worth and gratitude and with a posture of generous service.
A strengths assessment (like CliftonStrengths) can give us language – powerful, positive, accurate language – about what’s best about us. When I can name something, I begin to exercise my legitimate power over it. I claim it as my own. In this case, naming my talents helps me claim them as mine and begin to more deeply appreciate the uniqueness and goodness I can bring to the world. Then, from appreciation comes a desire to grow, to develop those unique talents into strengths. When I learn to aim my talents toward a particular goal or challenge, or when I aim my own personal and professional growth toward developing a particular strength, I find more energy, more joy, and more peace in life. I increase my capacity for bringing goodness into the world.
When I name, claim and aim my strengths, I’m cooperating with my Creator. I no longer feel like being somebody else. I just want to be more of who I was created to be.
Need more inspiration like this? Join us for the next Wednesday Wisdom on “Finding and Living From Strengths!”