Look on the Bright Side

When I learned that today – December 21st - is dubbed “Look on the Bright Side Day,” I laughed at the punny connection.  Today is the Winter Solstice, the shortest day – and longest night – of the year.  It’s the day that I start saying, “Hey, this is the worst of the darkness.  From here on for the next several months, we’re getting more daylight!”  So I can get on board with lifting up this day as “Look on the Bright Side Day.” 

The dark side of looking on the bright side

However, my hesitation with this sentiment is that “look on the bright side” is a prime example of what I call a “roadblock to effective communication.”  If someone tells me about a struggle or difficulty they are facing, and I jump in to point out the bright side or silver lining, it sends them the message that I don’t want to hear about their pain.  It dismisses their legitimate feelings about the situation and changes the direction of the conversation.  It subtly – or not-so-subtly – changes the focus of the conversation from them to me.

I don’t want to be that kind of friend, or coach.

But I also don’t want to leave people in their darkness.

I believe too strongly in the power of hope, and I feel called to offer hope to others when all they see is darkness.

As a coach and facilitator, part of my job is helping people find their bright side.  (Not pushing them, prodding them, or propelling them into it.  But helping them find it for themselves.  There’s a big difference.)  I call it re-framing, and it’s a powerful life skill. 

Reframing

An example?  Today is the day of the year with the most darkness.  That is true.  However, I like to re-frame it as “the last day of increased darkness; after today, the light starts to win.”  That statement is also true.

Reframing isn’t about denying truth or reality, and it’s not about blind or naïve optimism.  It is about considering whether there are other ways of looking at a situation and finding other realities or truths that can be named. 

Reframing doesn’t deny the challenge, but it usually shifts our perspective to one in which we can consider creative possibilities and generate at least a bit more positive energy to help us face that challenge.  Reframing also often helps us reclaim some sense of personal power or agency amidst that challenge.  It’s a powerful tool that brings light to darkness.

Faith:  The Ultimate Reframe

I think I’m drawn to the power of reframing because of my deep Christian spirituality.  The story of our faith is so often a story of how God helps us to reframe our experience.

Take Christmas for example.  One version of those events in Bethlehem:  “A poor, immigrant couple wrestles with an unplanned pregnancy, endures a harrowing trip where everything goes wrong, and has to settle for a birth in a barn without any family, friends, or neighbors to help them.” 

With reframing, it might sound like this: “A young faithful couple respond generously to what God is asking of them, and through their sacrifices, a child was born who changed the course of human history.”

And yet another reframed reality:  “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life.” (John 3: 16)

As we approach Christmas, I’m very aware that you might be reading this from any number of “emotional vantage points.”  Just considering my own corner of the world, I can see my neighbor grieving the loss of her husband, a friend going through a painful divorce, and several clients who are facing health challenges for themselves or loved ones.  While the lights on houses are bright and cheery at this time of year, there is plenty of darkness that threatens to overwhelm us.  It can be hard to see any light.

The bright side in the darkness

If you find yourself in some darkness right now, I invite you to “look on the bright side.”  Not as a distraction or avoidance, not from denial or blind optimism.  But from a place of hope, remembering that “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.”  (John 1: 5)

The darkness will not overcome you either, friend.

Even if that light is only a tiny flicker from a worn down candle, it still shines.  The darkness may take you down for a little while, but it doesn’t win.  On days when hope seems distant, I pray that you will remember that the light shines on and darkness will not have the last word. 

Christmas hope

This spirit of hope is what I cherish most about Christmas. 

On the darkest days of the year, we put lights on our houses and trees to remind ourselves that darkness doesn’t win. 

We send hope disguised as Christmas cards to those we love – even if we haven’t seen them or talked with them in a while – just to remind them that they matter to us. 

We pause and take in the words and meaning of a beloved carol:  “A thrill of hope- the weary world rejoices, For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!”

For me, Christmas is about hope, and remembering that the Light of the World is with us.  It’s why I get goosebumps when I hear these words from the prophet Isaiah:

The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light;

Those who lived in a land of deep darkness –

on them light has shined…

For a child has been born for us, a son given to us;

He is named Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

(Is 9: 2, 6)

My wish for you

I sincerely wish you a Christmas full of joy.  But in case your joy is dimmed by darkness, then I’ll pray that the Lord bolsters your hope and reminds you that the Light of the World will triumph.  In our lives.  In our world.

May the celebration of Emmanuel – God With Us – help us all to look on the bright side, reframe our perspective, and allow us to see the possibility of hope.  Merry Christmas!