3 Steps to Do Christmas on Purpose
December is on the doorstep. The holidays are nearly here, and the preparations are likely in full swing in your life. But it’s time for a little reality-check.
All too often, the holiday season is one that we anticipate eagerly, yet by the time we’re crawling into bed on January 1st we may be grappling with exhaustion and disappointment and thinking, “That wasn’t nearly as ______ (insert your adjective here: joyful, relaxing, satisfying, etc.) as I’d hoped.”
If this has happened to you, and you’re hoping for a different outcome this year, I’ve got you, friend.
Don’t be a victim of Christmas by Default.
Instead, I’m going to help you do Christmas on Purpose.
About six months ago, when summer was just getting underway, I offered some thoughts about how to “Vacation with Purpose.” Those same suggestions apply here (so if you missed that blog post, I encourage you to read it), but now I’ll take it one step further and walk you through a simple step-by-step process for making this holiday season one that won’t leave you feeling empty or “just glad it’s over.”
Step 1: Get clear and get honest with yourself.
As you think about the holidays themselves, or this whole season of preparation, spend a few minutes having a heart-to-heart with yourself, asking and answering these questions:
What do you need?
What do you desire from this time?
What do you hope for from this holiday season?
What thoughts, emotions or behaviors would you like to minimize in your life?
What would you like to believe, feel or do instead?
One big warning before you start answering: These questions need to be about YOU. Not everyone else in your life. For just a minute, put yourself – your physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual wellbeing – in the center of your focus. This isn’t about what your kids need, what your family desires, what someone else hopes for. This is about you.
Hint: You might find more creativity and freedom if you use a mind map to capture your thoughts about these questions. As you allow yourself to be led from thought to thought, you may come to a deeper understanding of what you truly need and desire from this time of year.
Step 2: Set your intention in writing.
Once you’ve allowed yourself to name elements of what “Christmas on Purpose” would look like for you, summarize it in an “I am” statement.
An “I am” statement is a statement (usually just sentence or two) that describes your desired future reality (what a great holiday season would be like for you) in present tense language. It’s a succinct way of keeping you focused on what’s most important, and it can help you choose more intentionally how to act or respond in each moment as that time unfolds. It can also help you set reasonable expectations for yourself and others instead of holding unrealistic ideals that lead to frustration.
Hint 1: Write it down. Studies have shown that when we write something down, we’re FAR more likely to actually do it.
Hint 2: Keep this statement short and memorize it so that you can repeat it to yourself like a mantra when things threaten to derail your intentions.
Step 3: Maximize support; minimize obstacles.
Now that you’ve set your intention and named your desired outcome, it’s time to flesh out the supports you’ll need to do Christmas on Purpose.
Make two lists (or two mind maps):
Helps: What are things (people, activities, circumstances, situations) that will support this or help make it happen?
Hinders: What might get in the way?
For each item on the “Helps” list, consider what actions you might need to take in order to take advantage of that support. Is there a friend you need to connect with? Is there a small self-care practice that – if implemented – would make a big difference in helping you stay focused on your intention? Commit to a few small action steps to build the support you’ll need.
For each item on the “Hinders” list, ask yourself, “What are all the ways I might deal with this?” How might you mitigate the challenge?
Hint: Let your imagination and creativity have a few minutes to run free without judgment. Allow yourself to dream about how lovely it would be if you didn’t need to visit 3 relatives’ houses on Christmas and could spend the whole day by your fireplace in your pajamas. It doesn’t matter if that doesn’t feel realistic. Dream about ALL the ways you diminish the obstacles.
After some creative thinking, THEN you can add reality back into the mix and start thinking about what COULD be possible. Maybe you can leverage something on the “Helps” list to neutralize something on the “Hinders” list. Maybe you’ll see that suggesting to one relative that you visit on a different day would allow you to have at least a couple of hours by that fire at home on Christmas night.
What action steps do you need to take in order to minimize the obstacles?
Next Steps
You’ve “planned the work.” Now “work the plan.” As you live into this intention, continue to take the small action steps you identified to maximize the helps and minimize the hinders.
And as you walk toward and through the holiday season, make an effort to be present to – and savor – the present moment. The previous steps won’t really be helpful if you miss the hoped-for moments when they come! Instead, keep pace with yourself, and notice the times when your present moment matches up with your intention.
And when things go sideways and your intention feels very far away? Breathe, be present, and look for whatever shred of goodness you can find in that reality.
What do you think?
I’d love to hear what you think about this. What’s good about this process for you? How doable is it? What will be challenging? What could it make possible for you?
And is that worth it?
I’d love to continue the conversation, so send me an email or leave a comment!