I’m going to ask you a question, and I want you to be honest.

When you think about your life or your work, do you tend to look at the gap or celebrate the gain?

To put it another way, how do you measure yourself – against an ideal, or against your starting point?

If I’m being honest, I struggle with this.  (Please tell me I’m not alone in this!)  I want to “celebrate the gain” more, but I can get pretty consumed with the gap.  There’s always something next to be done, something that isn’t getting done, something that I want or need more of.  There’s always a vision in my mind for whatever I’m working on (my life, my business, my relationships, etc.), and I usually judge my current state as falling short of that ideal.

Case study  

Today is the two-year anniversary of my business, Teal Horizon Coaching LLC.  It’s a moment in time to reflect, evaluate and take stock.

In that evaluation, it’s SUPER easy for me to focus on the goals I haven’t achieved, the skills I haven’t mastered, the clarity I haven’t found, the projects I haven’t done, and the people I haven’t served or reached.  I can visualize an “ideal coaching business” and see mine as woefully inadequate.  

That’s called living in the gap – the space between what I’ve achieved already and an ideal that I’ve visualized.  

The result:  I feel anxious, stressed, inferior, overwhelmed, frustrated.

The alternative is focusing on the gain – the space between what I’ve achieved already and my starting point.  

If I’m celebrating the gain, I look back first.  When I look back and compare my business to what it was two years ago (which was a handful of reduced-rate clients, an Excel spreadsheet, and some half-baked ideas), I’m blown away by the changes and growth.  There are many significant assets I have now that I didn’t have two years ago.  I’ve developed greater knowledge and skills in accounting, marketing, sales, and more.  I’ve inspired over 1,350 people through 95 presentations totaling almost 260 hours.  I’ve accompanied 30 people to profound results through one-on-one or group coaching over these two years.  

(I hope this doesn’t sound like ego-bragging.  It’s not.  It’s the honest assessment that comes from celebrating the gain.  I never want to ask or encourage you to do something that I won’t or can’t do.  So this is just me “showing my work” in hopes that it helps you imagine this in your own life.)

When I look back and measure compared to my starting point, I feel grateful, proud of myself, pleased, competent, confident, and motivated.  That’s a much better set of emotions than I got from the gap!

Benefits of “The Gain”

While I’ve often been a “gap” kinda gal, I’m working intentionally to shift my focus more often to the gain.  Why?  Because of all the benefits!

For starters, measuring the gain results in many more positive emotions.  And those positive emotions generate positive action and momentum.

When we measure the gain, we feel more confident and capable of facing the challenges ahead.  We are motivated in a healthier way than we are when we measure the gap.

Measuring the gap can be motivating – but only from a perspective of fear or scarcity.  Those motivations aren’t particularly long-lasting, and they don’t generate our best work.

Our best work comes from accessing our “sage perspective” – the perspective that brings compassion (for ourselves and others), curiosity, creativity, commitment, and courage.  And that sage perspective comes from focusing on and measuring the gain.

From a biological, neuroscience perspective, the positive emotions are a “reward” of sorts and the “feel good chemicals” (dopamine and serotonin) that are released make us want to do more of the thing we’re being rewarded for.

If you’re interested in these concepts and want to learn more, I encourage you  to read The Gap and the Gain:  The High Achievers’ Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy.  Full disclosure:  I’ve heard about this book but I haven’t read the book.  Yet.

Yet

The word “yet” is my friend.  I’ve found that it makes all the difference.  

Read the next two sentences and pay attention to what happens in your body and in your gut when you read each of them.

“I’m not good at this.”

“I’m not good at this yet.”

You felt the difference, right?

Words matter.  Words have power.  And that little 3-letter word has the power to turn my mind from the gap to the gain.  

Whenever I’m stuck in “gap thinking” and the sentences start with things like “I can’t…”, “I don’t…”, or “I’m not…” I remind myself to add “yet” to the end of the sentence.

“Yet” shifts me into a growth mindset where I focus on and applaud the effort I’m putting into things (not just the result).  With a growth mindset, I’m reminded that I can still learn, grow, and accomplish, regardless of how long it takes or how many missteps happen along the way.  A growth mindset reminds me that everything is learning.  

Ain’t Where We Was

Working for so many years in Catholic ministry, I often heard amazing stories about Sr. Thea Bowman.  (If you’re not familiar with her, please take a quick look here to learn more about this courageous woman of faith.)  

I never had the privilege to meet Sr. Thea or hear her speak, but I’ve heard her quoted plenty of times.  This is one of my favorites, and it speaks to me of the gap and the gain.  She was speaking about the struggle for African Americans to be fully welcomed and included in the U.S. Catholic Church, but this quotation has offered me a strong nudge out of the gap and into the gain no matter the issue at hand.

“We ain’t where we wanna be.  We ain’t where we gonna be.  But thank God, we ain’t where we was.”

Two years in, and I’m not where I wanna be with my business - yet.  I’m guessing there’s an area of your life in which you’re not where you wanna be either.  But let’s both acknowledge that there’s gain to be celebrated and give thanks that we ain’t where we was.

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