What’s one habit or behavior you wish you could change in your life?

Maybe it’s a bad habit you want to stop.  Maybe it’s a healthy habit you want to start.  Maybe there’s a behavior that you need to shift in some way.

Here’s mine:  I’m currently writing this blog on a Sunday afternoon.  I’ve written WAY too many blogs on weekends.  On the plus side, I can usually focus better with fewer work distractions.  On the negative side, it’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon… in July… and there are lots of other things I’d like to be doing.  As I try to live into my word of the year – “enjoy” – I’m realizing that having some better work habits during the week would help me enjoy the other parts of my life more.

Now, I don’t suggest things for you that I’m not willing to put into practice in my own life, so I’m writing this blog for both of us.  For me, it will be self-coaching about a habit I’d like to change.  For you, I hope it will be inspiration, motivation, and a handy checklist for your own behavior change journey!

You probably already know that changing habits and behaviors is hard.  (If you’re curious about why, check out Why is Change so Hard?)  But it’s not impossible.  And there are things we can do that make it much easier and make it much more likely that we’ll succeed.

So if there’s something in your life you’d like to change, read on, friend, because I’ve got you covered with my top ten tips for habit change.

1. Get clear about what you want.

We need to get clear and specific about what we want to do or achieve.  Very often, we have a desire for a new behavior or habit we’d like to build, but it’s kind of fuzzy.  “I want to be healthier.”  (What does that mean exactly?)  “I want to workout more.”  (How much more? What kind of workouts?)  For me with my blog-writing dilemma, it might sound like “I want to manage my time better.”  (In what ways?)  We need to articulate our desired behavior clearly so that we’ll know whether we’ve accomplished it.  When we’re unclear, we suffer.  We get stuck – or worse, we never start – because we lack focus.  When we get specific and clear about what we want, we’ll be able to create a plan for change that we can start and continue successfully.

2. Be positive about what you want.  

I don’t mean “be certain about what you want,” I truly mean “be positive.”  In addition to being unclear, sometimes we “frame to the negative” and we only really identify what we don’t want to do.  “I want to stop overeating.”  “I want to stop wasting time.”  “I want to stop having to write blogs on the weekend.”  Instead, we need to frame our desired behaviors to the positive.  The language we use creates images in our brains, and our brains will focus on what we imagine, so it’s important that we imagine and articulate the positive result we want, as specifically as we can.  “I want to finish my work by Friday.”

3. Have a bigger yes.

It’s hard to say no to engrained habits unless we have a bigger yes.  What’s the “bigger yes” that will help you to sustain the uphill climb of behavior change?  When you think about the habit you’d like to form, or the behavior you’d like to change, what would be the positive result or outcome that would come from that one action?  Your desire for that result (not the activity itself) is the bigger yes that can help you initiate and sustain changes in how you use your time.  An example:  “I want to enjoy time with family, friends, and recreation on the weekends.”

4. Treat yourself as you’d treat others.

We often treat others way better than we treat ourselves.  Think about how you talk with your friends or family members when they want to make a change in their lives, how you support them, and how you encourage them.  If they were making efforts to change a behavior, but sometimes slipped up, would you berate them or tell them that they should give up?  Of course not!  You’d affirm them, celebrate the progress they’d made so far, and help them re-commit.  You deserve the same treatment!  So practice empathy toward yourself and offer yourself the same support and grace that you extend to others.

5. Keep promises to yourself.

A corollary to the point above:  Sometimes the best support isn’t encouragement; sometimes it’s accountability.  Sadly, we’ll cheat on ourselves before we cheat on someone else.  We’d break a promise to ourselves before we’d break a promise or commitment to someone else.  Part of breaking the pattern of not making time to do what matters is making – and keeping – promises to ourselves about new behaviors.  (Which is easier when we have a bigger yes – see point #3, and requires that we also forgive ourselves when we miss the mark – see point #4.)

6. Create external accountability, too.

Yes, we need to keep promises to ourselves… but it doesn’t hurt to have a little external accountability, too.  What does that accountability need to look like for you?  Does it come in the form of a friend or family member who you check in with?  Do you need a coach to help yourself stay focused and committed to that bigger yes?  Do you need a small group of people who are after the same thing who can offer encouragement and accountability?  We’re all wired differently, and we have different needs and preferences when it comes to accountability.  So give some thought to what works best for you (not what’s most comfortable for you, ahem!), and seek it out.

7. Celebrate EVERY small win.

When we’re trying to change a habit or behavior or a mindset, we have to think long-term and consider trajectory.  (Yeah, remember physics?  Those were the days.)  A tiny, one degree difference might be barely noticeable up close.  But over time?  It results in a huge difference.  Small wins add up into bigger wins.  Small wins start to build the momentum (argh!  Physics again!) that help create larger, long-term wins.  So figure out how you’ll celebrate each small step.  It doesn’t have to be a huge celebration, but even a few moments to acknowledge the win and feel proud of yourself will go a long way.  Accountability (internal and external) is helpful here too.  External accountability is not just someone who’s “holding you to it.”  It’s best when it’s also someone who is cheering you on and celebrating with you!

8. Write it down.

Studies have shown that you are 42% more likely to achieve a goal if you write it down.  42%!  That’s significant.  Why is this?  Most likely because writing down our desire or goal incorporates many of the suggestions we’ve already discussed.  Clarity (#1).  Positive framing (#2).  Accountability (#6 & 7).  Writing it down – and keeping it somewhere that you’ll see it regularly – also helps to remind you and motivate you to keep going.

9. Make a plan.

A goal or desire without a plan is just a wish.  You’ll need a specific, detailed plan to bring that wish into reality.  Luckily, the process isn’t hard.  You can find details about creating a great plan in my blog, Getting Stuff Done!  

10. Edit the plan.

Guess what?  Your plan is not going to go as planned.  And that’s OK.  What’s important is that you review your plan regularly – I recommend weekly – and make adjustments as needed.  As you take steps toward your new habit, you may realize that there are new action steps that need to be added.  Alternatively, some action steps might need to be changed or deleted.  Make your plan work for you!  Make the changes needed so that you stay on track and continue moving forward toward your desired new behavior or habit.

Conclusion

There you have it!  Ten tricks to help you navigate behavior change.  Which one did you most need to hear today?

I’d love to hear what change you’re going to create in your life, and which of these tips will be most helpful for you along the way!

Like this blog? 

Sign up to get new posts delivered directly to your inbox!